Why I Decided to Embrace the Stay-At-Home Mom Thing

I’ve held a job since I was 16 years old. My only break was during my first semester of college because my parents didn’t want me to work. And I hated it. I hated depending on my parents for cash and I hated not having that routine. Control issues over here!

And those control issues stuck 10 years later. I never wanted to do the stay-at-home mom thing. Not because I thought it was below me - I still don’t know how these women do it sometimes! I just never wanted to depend on someone else financially and I didn’t think I ever would. Until, that is, my maternity leave came to a close.

I originally was going to go back to work. Up to my last week of leave, in fact. But a couple things happened that changed my mind. First, the idea of sending my daughter to daycare was still hard to grasp. She was only 3 months old and we had just started to get the hang of things. (Seriously, our country needs to step it up on our maternity leave policies. At 3 months I was considered “lucky.” Please… if we can’t get to a 6 month minimum by 2025, I give up!). And second, I had recently discovered I wasn’t compensated fairly where I worked and was denied equal pay when I confronted it. I’m not going to go into the details simply because I feel the mistakes of a few shouldn’t punish the organization as a whole. It was a lovely place to work and I still support the organization 100%, however, I could no longer justify spending my time and energy at a place that wouldn’t give the same dedication back. Especially when I have a daughter at home looking up to me. When I do go back to work, I want her to know it’s for her, not for somebody else.

So, I guess you could say fate stepped in. But it still wasn’t easy. Remember, control issues over here! Plus, my husband and I have always had a decent co-dependent relationship, so giving up part of my contributions was… tough. I know, I know… raising our daughter day-to-day is more than enough to contribute to my family, but let’s be real, recognizing that when you’re in the middle of it doesn’t come easy. My 2+ months of anxiety attacks can vouch for that!

I’m a millennial. I was raised to do my best, never give up, go for those dreams, keep working… grind, grind, grind… and then have it all. Giving up part of that, even for a short time, changes you. It labels you. And even though I don’t agree with those labels, it doesn’t erase them from that little voice in your head wondering if you made the right choice.

But that’s life and I’ve finally come to realize that whether my choice was right or wrong in the grand scheme of things, it was right for me. It was right for my family. And most importantly, it was right for my daughter.

And to anyone currently going through this struggle, my best advice is to go with your gut. Go with the decision that gives you the most relief.

And lastly, I want to thank my husband. If it wasn’t for his support, I wouldn’t have had the freedom to even have this decision to begin with. He truly is the rock that keeps this family going. I love you!

-J